I Was Raped at 16 and I Kept Silent

时间:2018-10-03 单词数:6820

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When I was 16 years old, I started dating a guy I met at the Puente Hills Mall in a Los Angeles suburb. I worked there after school at the accessories counter at Robinsons-May. He worked at a high-end men’s store. He would come in wearing a gray silk suit and flirt with me. He was in college, and I thought he was charming and handsome. He was 23.

16岁那年,我开始与我在洛杉矶郊区的Puente Hills购物中心认识的一名男子约会。我放学后在购物中心销售配饰品的Robinsons-May店的柜台打工。他在一家高档男装店工作。他会穿着灰色的丝绸套装来我店里与我调情。他在上大学,我觉得他很迷人,很英俊。他23岁。

When we went out, he would park the car and come in and sit on our couch and talk to my mother. He never brought me home late on a school night. We were intimate to a point, but he knew that I was a virgin and that I was unsure of when I would be ready to have sex.


On New Year’s Eve, just a few months after we first started dating, he raped me.


I have been turning that incident over in my head throughout the past week, as two women have come forward to detail accusations against the Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. Christine Blasey Ford said he climbed on her and covered her mouth during an attempted rape when they were both in high school, and Deborah Ramirez said he exposed himself to her when they were in college.

在过去的一周里,随着两名女性站出来对最高法院大法官提名人布拉特.卡瓦诺(Brett Kavanaugh)做出详细的指控,我一直在想我自己的那次经历。克莉丝汀.布莱西.福特(Christine Blasey Ford)说,他们两人都在上高中时,他曾试图强奸她,他爬到她身上,用手捂住了她的嘴。黛博拉.拉米雷斯(Deborah Ramirez)说,他在他们上大学的时候,曾把下体在她面前露出。

On Friday, President Trump tweeted that if what Dr. Blasey said was true, she would have filed a police report years ago. But I understand why both women would keep this information to themselves for so many years, without involving the police. For years, I did the same thing. On Friday, I tweeted about what had happened to me so many years ago.


You may want to know if I had been drinking on the night of my rape. It doesn’t matter, but I was not drunk. Maybe you will want to know what I was wearing or if I had been ambiguous about my desires. It still doesn’t matter, but I was wearing a long-sleeved, black Betsey Johnson maxi dress that revealed only my shoulders.

你可能想知道我被强奸的那天晚上是不是喝酒了。那无关紧要,但我没喝醉。也许你想知道我穿了什么衣服,或者我是否对自己的欲望模棱两可。这也无关紧要,但我穿的是一件长袖的黑色特西.约翰逊(Betsey Johnson)及踝连衣裙,只露出了我的肩膀。

The two of us had gone to a couple of parties. Afterward, we went to his apartment. While we were talking, I was so tired that I lay on the bed and fell asleep.


The next thing I remember is waking up to a very sharp stabbing pain like a knife blade between my legs. He was on top of me. I asked, “What are you doing?” He said, “It will only hurt for a while.” “Please don’t do this,” I screamed.


The pain was excruciating, and as he continued, my tears felt like fear.


Afterward, he said, “I thought it would hurt less if you were asleep.” Then he drove me home.


I didn’t report it. Not to my mother, not to my friends and certainly not to the police. At first I was in shock. That evening, I let my mother know when I was home, then went to sleep, hoping to forget that night.


Now, 32 years after my rape, I am stating publicly what happened. I have nothing to gain by talking about this. But we all have a lot to lose if we put a time limit on telling the truth about sexual assault and if we hold on to the codes of silence that for generations have allowed men to hurt women with impunity.


One in four girls and one in six boys today will be sexually abused before the age of 18. I am speaking now because I want us all to fight so that our daughters never know this fear and shame and our sons know that girls’ bodies do not exist for their pleasure and that abuse has grave consequences.


Those messages should be very clear as we consider whom we appoint to make decisions on the highest court of our land.